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Posts Tagged ‘dealing with grief’

TOO DEEP FOR TEARS

Last week my grandmother passed away…

It was not as if we weren’t expecting it. She hasn’t been in the best of health this past year. Mama has been telling us and reminding us to spend time with her while we still have the chance. And now I am so grateful that i took heed of her. Before I left last year, I went for a visit. She was not the same Lola I remember. The robust and genki Lola of my youth. Still, in other ways she’s still the same. The same personality, the same wisdom…

The thing is, when I found out about her death no tears came to my eyes. Still my heart felt so heavy… shouldn’t there be a tangible proof of my grief? I asked myself. As I write this entry, I still haven’t cried. I want to though… it’s just that it wont come out. For someone who can cry at a drop of hat, it’s just not happening.

My mind knows… my mind has accepted the reality of her death… in my heart though… it still remembers… it still won’t let go of the image of a girl embracing her Lola, sleeping beside her and laughing with her. I don’t know if I ever will. Maybe someday those tears will come. But for now, I just want to hold on to that image a bit longer…

I love you Lola. I will miss you… for the rest of my life…

(more…)

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